How our survival becomes our identity!

It’s no surprise that fawning, people pleasing, and difficulty with saying ‘NO’ are all old survival mechanisms covering up early childhood wounds. Think about it - where did you first learn that it isn’t okay to put a boundary in place, or that you had to take care of others' needs first?

As a yoga teacher and psychologist, I’ve worked with so many women who carry these patterns deep in their nervous systems. Yoga, especially when paired with trauma-informed practices, can bring awareness to how these patterns show up physically.

It is likely you either had very limited boundaries in your early environment or a lack of care and consistency altogether. These two extremes of parenting tend to install a sense that “My needs don’t matter” or “I am only as good as what I can do for others.”

I’ve seen how these beliefs live in the body, shaping posture, breath, and movement. As a yoga instructor, it’s clear how deeply our stories affect the way we carry ourselves.

So if you feel compelled to rescue others when they are in pain, or it feels dangerous to refuse to help a friend, you might be harbouring survival techniques that have become an ingrained sense of WHO you are, rather than just a pattern of behaviour.

These patterns might feel normal, but that’s only because they’ve been reinforced for so long. Through the lens of a yoga teacher who works with emotional wellbeing, I see these survival responses play out as tension, tightness, and even chronic pain.

If these wounds from our childhoods are left unhealed, these survival tactics become our identity through sheer repetition and an unconscious dependence on them. And while people-pleasing sounds nice at first glance, it is actually very dangerous for several reasons.

First, it leads to self-abandonment and a chronic lack of self-worth. It is painful because you can never feel like you are being your authentic self and that sucks. The most powerful feeling or vibration in the world is authenticity. If we can’t show up as ourselves, we feel as if we are being fake, or we have absolutely no idea how we really feel deep down.

I often guide students back to the breath. A simple yet powerful way to reconnect with themselves. As a yoga instructor, I’ve seen how breathwork reveals where we’re holding tension or over-efforting, both on and beyond the mat.

And then this leads to confusion, resentment, sometimes contempt for other people, and even numbness and emptiness internally. Which is a very distressing way to live each day.

Many women I meet in my yoga teacher circles share the same story. We overgive, overcare, and slowly burn out until we’re not even sure who we are anymore. That’s when yoga becomes more than a class, it becomes a reclamation.

Sign up now for the 21-Day I Choose Me Challenge and take the first gentle step back to yourself.

So these survival mechanisms, initially developed to address immediate emotional needs and stave off perceived danger, can become deeply ingrained in our identity, shaping our thoughts and beliefs about ourselves, shaping our behaviour, and ultimately who we think we are. This process, while initially protective, leads to significant limitations in our ability to live a fulfilling and contented life.

• Initial Survival:

  Our brain's survival mechanisms, like the fight-or-flight response, are designed to help us cope with threats and ensure our well-being. These mechanisms are activated in situations of danger or stress, triggering a cascade of physiological and psychological reactions.

  I’ve witnessed this show up in bodies through shallow breaths, tight hips, or hunched shoulders bracing for impact. These are signals, and as a yoga instructor, I know yoga offers a safe space to release them.
  

• Development of Identity:

  As we experience these survival mechanisms repeatedly, they become habitual and integrated into our sense of self. This process can be likened to how we learn a skill through practice, where repeated actions solidify certain structures and make them almost instinctive.

  The same way a yoga instructor will guide you through alignment until it becomes natural, your survival patterns have aligned you to what felt safe, not necessarily what felt authentic.
  

• Psychological Survival:

  Beyond physical survival, the "ego" also plays a crucial role in our psychological well-being. It creates a sense of self, a personal identity that helps us navigate the world and protect ourselves from mental and emotional pain.

  Yoga doesn’t strip away the ego. Instead, it helps us observe it. A yoga teacher’s role often includes helping students recognise when the ego is leading, and gently guiding them back to the present moment.
  

• Self-Reinforcement:

  The more we rely on these survival mechanisms, the more they become part of our identity. Our actions, beliefs, and even our relationships can be influenced by these ingrained responses.

  Yoga teaches us that repetition creates reality. As a yoga instructor, I see the power of repeating affirmations, mantras, or simple acts of self-care as a way to rewire the nervous system for safety and self-trust.
  

• Limitations and Disconnection:

  While these mechanisms are helpful for survival, they can also limit our capacity for growth and connection. Over-reliance on them can lead to a disconnect from our true selves, as we may be more focused on maintaining a perceived sense of safety than exploring our full potential.

  One of the most liberating moments for any yoga teacher is witnessing a student realise they’re safe enough to soften. That’s where healing starts.
  

• Trauma and Identity:

  Traumatic experiences can have a profound impact on our identity, shaping our sense of self through the development of coping mechanisms designed to manage the emotional and psychological aftermath.

  Resources like Bessel van der Kolk’s The Body Keeps the Score show us that trauma lives in the body. Yoga, especially when guided by a skilled yoga instructor, can offer a gentle path back to the self.
  

• Identity Dissonance:

  In some cases, the survival mechanisms developed to cope with trauma can lead to fragmented parts of the self, making it difficult to have a cohesive sense of identity.

  Through regular yoga practice, we begin to weave ourselves back together, breath by breath, pose by pose.
  

• Recognizing and Reclaiming:

  Understanding how our survival mechanisms shape our identity is the first step towards reclaiming our true selves. By becoming aware of these patterns, we can begin to identify and challenge behaviours that are not serving us and foster more authentic and fulfilling ways of being.

  Yoga teachers often say that the mat reflects life; how we show up in yoga is how we show up elsewhere. That awareness is the beginning of transformation.
  

To sum it up,  survival responses like people-pleasing, fawning, and boundary issues might have kept us safe once, but they aren’t who we are. As a yoga teacher and someone who's walked this path myself, I know how transformational it can be to reclaim your identity through practices that honour your body, mind, and emotional needs.

It’s time to reconnect with your true self, rebuild self-worth, and create a new normal that puts you first, not out of selfishness, but out of wholeness.

So if you want to learn to show up for yourself EVERY DAY, even in small ways, then join me on the 21-Day Challenge coming up on the 21st of July. Just 10 minutes a day, choosing YOU can have profound impacts on your wellbeing, your worth, and your growth long term.

Sign up now for the 21-Day I Choose Me Challenge

Share this blog with someone who might need a reminder that they’re allowed to choose themselves, too.

Love
Belinda xxx